The Line Between Love And Lust

It’s Saturday night, drinks in hand you head to the dance floor.  The music is intoxicating, it begins to take over, the bass pumps through your veins making your heart race.  You look up and meet the gaze of another, your heart skips a beat as you inhale the electricity.

Before you know it Lust has taken the reins, making you do things you would never do.  It almost feels good to be out of control, you exhale and let all the worry of your week wash away.  If it feels this good, how can it be wrong?

Is it Love?

Some people confuse Love with infatuation; many times we think we are in love when we are really not.  We tend to fall victim to the evocative feelings of lust – mix in a good conversation and a few things in common and we end up in a relationship.

Usually, every relationship has a ‘honeymoon’ period, the first few months is bliss: the suspect that makes you feel like you are in love.  But how do you tell the difference between true love and infatuation?  Chances are, if when the honey moon is over, you find yourself desiring the attention of someone other than your partner – it’s not true love.

We often settle for someone who is good enough, because as trite as it may be, true love is like a fairy tale – most people don’t believe it exists.  We stay in relationships that aren’t right because they are comfortable and we learn to accept the fact that it is a natural instinct to desire someone else.

What is True Love?

How can you tell if it’s true love?  Everyone I am sure has a different opinion or explanation; people bond for different reasons and sometimes it may include a mutual understanding that one or both of the partners may sleep with other people.  True Love is a mysterious beast- few can describe- though it is common to hear the following statement about true love:  “you just know.”

True love is when the line between love and lust is no longer an intoxicating blur, it is no longer a provocative dance between right and wrong.  It becomes one solid line, one that you do not question; you just understand that they are one in the same.


The argument can be made that monogamy may not be for everybody.  However, if you look at men and women with commitment issues, you will often times see a troubled childhood.  Could it be that children who grow up in dysfunctional homes, build a resentment toward love?

The answer is yes; many children who grow up with parental issues are deeply affected by it and in many cases can carry into adulthood.  Their subconscious mind tells them they do not want to be put in that kind of situation, because they do not want to go through the heart ache they seen their parents suffer.

The Double Standard

Why is it more acceptable for men to be promiscuous than women?  A man is considered a stud or a ladies man and receives acknowledgment from his male counter parts.  A female is considered a “slut” and is shunned by other females.

The truth is on average, men are more willing and comfortable with requests for sex than woman are.  Almost any woman could proposition a man for sex and receive what she wants; men on the other had would get slapped nine times out of ten for the same request.

Surveys state that many woman will say they had less sexual partners than they have actually had, while men will say they had more – a testament to how we feel about our sexuality.  Both men and woman want to avoid judgement but for different reasons.

The Game

Women play hard to get because they want a man to show they won’t give up.  Most women like a man who is quiet and doesn’t say much because they want to earn his attention.  They also don’t want to be called at like an animal, they wanted be appreciated and want a man who she feels is deserving of her.

The dating game is just that, a game, you either play or get played.  Which is precisely the reason so many people settle, it can be tiring, frustrating and confusing.  So how do you survive the game and find true love?  It is best to quit over analyzing, enjoy your life and be yourself -nobody likes fake advertising.  And in the end shouldn’t the one you’re with love you for who you really are?

A lot of time, women find themselves feeling they are not in the right relationship because they have trouble staying focused on where the relationship currently is, and not where they wish it were.

If a woman feels that her man has potential to be a great boyfriend, husband, father or life long partner; A lot of the time she will feel some amount of resentment because he is not currently the person she believes he will be. This resentment is something us men can feel (even if we don’t realize it directly). When we believe that you feel negatively about us or the relationship in general, it gives us the feeling that it’s best to get out before it gets worse. Then we are both left to start the whole process over once again.

If you really want to find the happiness and love you’re waiting for, try to live in the moment. Enjoy your man for the person he is right now, and don’t worry that he’s not yet the person you believe he will be.

Joshua Rose

If You enjoyed this article and want to read more like it, please leave me a nice comment below.

Leave A Reply (28 comments so far)

  1. D P
    9 years ago

    So true. Very interesting reading your article

  2. Maria
    9 years ago

    Hi Joshua,

    It’s true what you say about troubled childhood, I was one. I met a guy on line and we live 50 km apart apart and it was hot for 6 months. Then the huge fight happened and we broke up and we were both very hurt. It shocked me as it was unlike me so I investigated and analysed my life. I realised all the wrong things, like wanting his attention, being impatient, miscommunication, appreciation and respect. I wrote him and asked for his forgiveness because I created it and blamed him. After 3 months . It took another 6 months before we moved into accepting each other ang writing again. So we rekindle face to face after 12 months of writing we are now taking it day by day.
    I agree lust was there in the beginning compared to what we have now. Now we enjoy each other, share with each other, trust and respect each other and love just falls into place. 2015 is a new beginning for us because we want to be in each other’s life for a long time. We met online 1 October 2011 and had our first date on 25/10/2011. I love him for the simple things in life he does for me and just for the person he is.
    I want to say thank you for highlighting lust and love and dysfunctional childhood which can happen to both men and woman that subconsciously affect our adult life and our relationships. 🙂 Maria

  3. Sandy totura
    9 years ago

    Thanks. New to dating again after 35 years. When did it get so complicated?

  4. SKB
    9 years ago


    You just threw down awesome all over the place.

    I copied it, enlarged the print, made it 3 different colors….each to capture my attention that you just roadmapped the way for me.

    Especially that last part……….well………ALL OF THE ARTICLE but you know what I mean.

    What else can I say?!

    (I’ve been dating a man who is 63 y.o. and has never been married. So like-duh. BUT he wants to be but vascillates. So I’m out. Barring a miracle. I just dodged a bullet. He “wants to play the field”, to death apparently. OK. I need to face my stats. “Slim to none” and “How many times do you wanna get hurt?!?”

    Thanks, Josh………I owe ya one.


  5. Donna Alper
    9 years ago

    I really enjoyed the information in this article. I have been guilty in the past of mistaking lust for love and then regretting it later.

  6. Carol
    9 years ago

    Great article. Gives clarity

  7. Alicat
    9 years ago

    Living in the moment may be good, but what say you are with someone who already admits he’s a commitaphobe and his history supports this. And for younger women having a family, this situation may mean they don’t get the chance. I had a previous partner keep me on a string for 14 years.

  8. Carol Parsons
    9 years ago

    Totally awesome !!,! I agree with this entire article and wud like 2 read many mor please . I luv that u write and reference both the man and the woman point of views . I also like that u address real life thoughts and day 2 day stuff that men and woman think about and actually deal with and wud go thru . U make it easy 2 understand and use simple yet effective answers . Thank u . Keep it up 😉

  9. cheryl
    9 years ago

    this article really rings true!! so many women are in such a hurry to nail a guy down in a relationship that do lose the living in the moment phase. there is lot of pressure on women from their friends, family members even coworkers to get that commitment fast! or where is the relationship going??
    As a woman in her 50’s i have had lots of dating experience and I can tell you no man like to be pushed.
    So thank you so much for writing the article! makes me feel better about my relationships!

  10. Sheila Barcenilla
    9 years ago

    Real Love is an honest relationship, one which we accept each other as whole individuals. Loving him for who he is and committed to sticking together no matter what. Not only you want him but you also need him. And I do agree, you can not imagine your life living without that person. Having great sex (the right person whom you really loved) and both have a lots in common would be a perfect match. Lust? Lust lacks self-control. After what the man gets what he wants then he can leave you. To make it sure, don’t rush into things or you will get hurt.

  11. Sue
    9 years ago

    I am a 65 and a widow of 1 1/2 yrs. We were married for 30 years and learned to truly love, respect and trust each other. Our sex life was good and intense and wild sometimes. I have had the advantage of deep reflection on what worked and what didn’t. I now see and fully own what I did and could have done for it to have been even better. When I decided I was ready to step out and love and be loved again I wanted to make sure I did not repeat those mistakes. I have been online and doing your courses and am so thoroughly enjoying myself and my new partner. We have made the choice in these early months to simply enjoy the lust and amazing sex, not confuse it with love, and just see where it takes us. The freedom of being in the moment is exhilarating!! Thanks for this article and all your wonderful courses!

    It is never too late to learn to have an amazing, sensual, sexy, lusty life!

  12. Lisa
    9 years ago

    Very insightful and helpful

  13. Carolyn
    10 years ago

    I believe real love is when you put the other person’s well-being over your own all of the time; when you can’t imagine your life without them in it; when the reality is way better than the fantasy. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. I really enjoyed your article. Thanks for sharing.

  14. cindy
    10 years ago

    Joshua, I did enjoy this article and believe that we should be who we are, but most men/women don’t except us for who we are.

  15. Terry White
    10 years ago

    Very interesting read

  16. [email protected]
    10 years ago

    Thanks, makes sense and gives me food for thought

  17. Shelly
    10 years ago

    I love the article, Joshua. But I was wondering if there is anything a woman in a online, long distance relationship can do? Especially if she has never actually met the object of her affection?
    What advice would you give a woman, who is in this sort of relationship? I mean there must be
    an effective way to talk to a man online, that will get his motor running, right?

  18. Besa
    10 years ago

    I enjoyed this article but especially the last few lines are what spoke to me ….

    “If you really want to find the happiness and love you’re waiting for, try to live in the moment. Enjoy your man for the person he is right now, and don’t worry that he’s not yet the person you believe he will be”

  19. [email protected]
    10 years ago

    I really enjoyed this blog.It gave me different insight.Thank you Josh!

  20. [email protected]
    10 years ago

    *I loved this article. I am a 64 year old female, and I will soon be getting married. But, the last few years I have been on dating sites and I was always asked, “What are you looking for in a man?” my response was always the same…..I want a man to be himself and not what he thinks I want, and hopefully I can deal with those things that I might not embrace otherwise. I decided when I was ready to date again that I would always be myself. My photos were always current and I never tried to bend the truth to who I was. My guy was the same way. What I love about him is that for the first time in my life, I truly trust him. It is not that we don’t and won’t have issues but we both deal with them head on, and we are committed to each other, if things start going off course we are both committed to getting it back on track. It is funny that in the beginning, I was not feeling all that sexual towards him and it might have been the same for him, but now….omg I can’t wait to be with him. But, since I hope to have many years with this precious guy, I want to keep it alive and vibrant.

  21. Sheila Solar
    11 years ago

    Great article Joshua, I really learned some valuable information.


  22. [email protected]
    11 years ago

    I loved the comment, enjoy your man for the person he is now. I have always been pre-judgemental.
    I will try to live in the moment.

  23. thelma
    11 years ago

    I liked this article & I’d love to read more that are like it.

  24. [email protected]
    11 years ago

    As experience has it, you have “hit the nail on the head “. I have been following your lead for a week now. My relationship with my boyfriend of 6 months is going great. I have never had a lot of confidence and your system has given me that confidence that I was lacking. They say “the 3rd time is a charm”. I’ll keep you posted! Thanks.

  25. Emily
    11 years ago

    How do I know when it’s love? My boyfriend just gave me a very base but honest answer. When he met me, he was in lust. As he got to know me, he was infatuated. When he cleaned up after me when I was sick, he knew he love me. 🙂 Aww, that was sweet.

  26. bree
    11 years ago

    This is an interesting take on the topic. I know there is a difference, but it is so hard to tell unless you are hit with that feeling. Sometimes, though, the feeling comes to late and you end up not knowing if that person was the one. I would rather enjoy my life than sit back and wonder “what if” so I am glad that I found your post. I am happily married now to the “one” and we are talking about how we can make our relationship get back to the way it used to be. I saw the Undeniable Passion course and I think we are going to give it a try. Wish us luck! 🙂

  27. Leanne
    11 years ago

    Lust is usually what it is in the beginning. Its keeping the Lust as your Love grows that keeps it exciting!

  28. Jessica Edwards
    11 years ago

    I don’t really believe in love at first sight but lust at first sight is another thing. There is still, even in 2013 a double standard between men and women. Even though men are always ready to “hook up” if you give in on the first date in my own experience its still not a good way to start a relationship. And usually guys that want to go there right away aren’t looking for a relationship anyway. I guess I’m older and wiser than I once was because if the guy I meet is only looking to get me in bed right away I now let him just keep walking.